Percy had been having trouble breathing for weeks.
It had started with just a bit of chest pain, but he had gotten to the point where taking a breath made his lungs feel like they’d been filled with the acidic air of Tartarus again.
His friends were getting worried.
“You should see Will,” Annabeth insisted after Percy had collapsed during their sparring match.
Percy shook his head. “No, I’m fine,” he wheezed.
“You’re not. You’ve been like this for days.”
Percy shook his head again. “Not today.”
“Fine,” she said. “But don’t think I’m letting this go.”
.
The first time it happened, Percy was alone in his room.
He started coughing loudly, spitting a bloody yellow petal into his hand.
At least he knew why his lungs were so messed up now.
He knew what it meant, of course. Hanahaki, while uncommon, was well-known. Percy just hadn’t realized his unrequited crush was enough to cause the disease.
Shock slowly faded to resignation, and after his brief crisis, he washed off his hands and decided to ignore it.
But that didn’t last long, because the second time it happened was later that evening during dinner.
It was just his mom, Paul, Estelle, and Annabeth at the table, which Percy was grateful for. Ever since his return to godhood, Apollo had been occasionally showing up for dinner at the Jackson-Blofis apartment, and Percy was decidedly not ready for him to know yet. Or preferably ever.
Estelle didn’t quite understand what was going on, but Annabeth had a look of horror on her face as she realized what the bloody petals meant.
“Who?” she asked.
Percy shook his head. He could tell Annabeth anything, but not this. Not yet.
“Percy–“ his mom started. She reached a hand over the table to grab his. “We’ll fix this.” But she looked near tears.
Will we? Percy wondered.
.
The next day, Percy found himself sitting in the infirmary at Camp Half-Blood. The surgery to get the flowers removed was expensive in the mortal world, far more than Percy’s family could afford. Will wasn’t exactly qualified to perform it himself, but he could contact the healers in New Rome, who would be more than happy to help a former praetor.
“They say you’ll have to go to New Rome,” Will told Percy. “They don’t have access to the proper equipment in New York, and it’s not easy to transport.”
Percy sighed and closed his eyes. “So a cross country road trip. Fun.”
“You’ll be fine,” Will assured.
“I don’t know,” Percy said. “I’ve already had my memory messed with, I’m not sure about my emotions, too.”
Will gave Percy a harsh look. “You mean you’ll let yourself die?”
“I’m surprised I even made it this long. And there’s no guarantee I’d make it through the surgery.” Percy paused to catch his breath. “Plus, I could never love romantically again?”
“But you’d be alive,” Will said. “And you deserve to live, Percy.”
“But even after all I’ve been through, I could never have the life I want,” Percy said. “I hear Elysium is nice.”
Will sighed. “Look, you still have time to think this over. You’re pretty early on still. At least consider the surgery?”
“I’ll consider it,” Percy said, “but no promises.”
“That’s all I ask.”
.
Sitting with Annabeth, Percy watched as a group of Apollo kids played volleyball with their father. Or, for the most part, Percy was watching their father.
Annabeth caught Percy’s look. “No.”
Percy turned to her, confused. “What?”
She gestured to the volleyball court. “Why him?” she asked.
Percy played dumb. “Why who?”
Annabeth jabbed his side.
“Hey!” he protested. “It’s not like I can control who I fall in love with.” He looked back over at Apollo just as he spiked the ball over the net. “And can you blame me?”
“Yes.”
Percy shot her a dirty look. “He’s hot. And he’s better now. He cares.” And he did. Ever since his time as a mortal, he’d become an active parent. He visited his kids at least once a week and made sure they knew he was there for them. Apollo had become the kind of god that Percy could only wish the other Olympians could be. He cared for his kids, and he also cared for Percy. Really, it wasn’t Percy’s fault he had fallen in love.
But Annabeth only said, “Maybe.”
And then Percy started coughing. It must’ve been loud enough to get Apollo’s attention, or he had some sort of healing god sense, because suddenly he was at Percy’s side, hand resting gently on Percy’s back. The coughs tapered off slowly, surprisingly not producing any petals, and Percy looked up at Apollo.
The god looked surprisingly pale. “Tell me I’m imagining it,” he pleaded.
Percy looked away.
Apollo’s face fell. “Are you…getting surgery?”
“I…don’t know,” Percy said.
Annabeth interjected, “What? I thought you were getting it.”
“Perseus…” Apollo said.
“I’m just not sure.” After saying that, Percy started coughing again. Apollo’s arms wrapped around him, and he whispered soothing words into Percy’s ear.
This time, the coughing only stopped after Percy had coughed up a few petals. It was the first time there had been more than one. Apollo took them from Percy’s hand.
Apollo examined the petals. “Sunflowers. It’s no wonder you aren’t breathing well. You must be in so much pain.” He looked at Percy sadly. “It won't be long if you don’t do something.”
“I know,” Percy replied. “But the life I’ve pictured always has someone I love. And I don’t think I can handle someone messing with my head again.”
“Then tell them,” Apollo said. “I can’t imagine anyone who wouldn’t love you.”
“Do you want me to die faster, Apollo?” Percy asked. “They don’t love me.”
“Percy, he’s right, for once,” Annabeth said. “You should tell them.”
“Really, Annabeth?”
Annabeth and Apollo looked at each other and seemed to reach some sort of agreement.
“We’re going to convince you to live, one way or another,” she insisted. “I’m not letting you die on me, Seaweed Brain.”
.
“Why don’t you tell them?” Apollo asked, sitting on the beach with Percy. He’d taken to checking on Percy every day to see how the disease was progressing, which Percy was sure did not help at all. “I can’t imagine anyone rejecting you.”
Percy laughed, though it sounded more like a wheeze. “Yeah, no. There’s no way they feel the same.”
“How are you so certain?” Apollo looked at him seriously. “If I had your love, I’d do anything to hold onto it.”
Percy blushed and looked down. He coughed.
Apollo leaned closer. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m–“ Percy coughed. “I’m fine.” He went into a coughing fit, which of course led to him being pulled into Apollo’s arms, which of course just made it worse.
A clump of bloody petals and other sunflower bits landed in Percy’s hand. The coughs slowly receded.
Apollo handed Percy a bottle of water, likely conjured from somewhere, and Percy drank it gratefully.
“Thanks,” he said. The water had helped him mostly recover from the fit.
“It’s getting worse,” Apollo worriedly told him. “If a flower comes loose, it’ll kill you.”
“I know,” Percy said.
Apollo brushed Percy’s hair from his face. “It’s progressing so quickly, and your flowers are so large. How much do you love them?”
Percy looked away. “More than is healthy.”
.
“You’re spending too much time with him,” Annabeth said. “You either need to tell him or stop seeing him.”
“I know,” Percy said, “but I love him too much to stop.”
Annabeth sighed. “Then you should tell him.”
“You want me to die even sooner?” Percy asked.
“Don’t you see the way he looks at you? He loves you.”
“He’s like that with everyone,” Percy denied.
Annabeth looked at him sadly. “Please, Percy. Tell him.”
“I’ll think about it,” Percy said.
.
Apollo stopped by for dinner. He adored Sally Jackson’s cooking, so he tended to show up at least once a month, if not more.
And he had to see his favorite Jackson (or, Blofis).
That must’ve been what pushed Percy over the edge.
He had always wanted kids, and watching Apollo interacting with his own had at least been making Percy’s lungs itchy. So when Percy saw Apollo with Estelle, he went into a coughing fit. The worst one yet.
He barely noticed Apollo at his side, whispering soothingly into his ear, “I’m here, it’s okay, you’ll be okay.”
Percy felt something large trying to force itself up his throat, and he couldn’t breathe, and he couldn’t even cough anymore, and–
.
Percy woke up in a hospital bed
Apollo was at his side, holding his hand.
“Percy!” Apollo exclaimed when he noticed Percy was awake.
Percy tried to smile. “Hi.”
“Perseus, you almost died. If they hadn’t been able to dislodge the flower…” He took a shaky breath. “How do you love them so much when they’re killing you?”
“Don't mean to,” Percy replied, trying to keep his sentences short. Breathing hurt too much.
Apollo squeezed his hand. “You need to tell them.”
Percy shrugged.
“Please, Perseus,” Apollo begged. “You don’t have much longer. I’ll bring them here myself, just tell me who.”
Percy shook his head. “You can’t.”
“Why not?” Apollo asked.
Percy smiled sadly. “You’re already here.”
Apollo looked confused for a moment before a look of realization came across his face. “Me?” he asked in shock. “Perseus, do you mean to say I’m the one who’s killing you?”
Percy looked away and nodded.
Apollo sat on the edge of the bed. “Perseus. Percy, look at me.”
Percy didn’t.
Apollo reached out a hand to turn Percy’s head. He looked into Percy’s eyes. “Percy. I love you,” he said.
Percy became hesitantly hopeful. “You do?”
Apollo nodded. “I love you.”
“You’re not just saying that?” Percy asked.
“I wouldn’t lie to you, especially not about this,” Apollo said. “I love you.”
Percy smiled softly. “I love you, too.”
Something loosened in Percy’s chest as Apollo pulled him in for a sweet kiss.
They broke apart when a doctor entered the room. “Your love is requited, then?” she asked.
Percy nodded.
“And the flowers were…sunflowers?”
Percy nodded again.
“We need to get you back for surgery,” she said.
Percy glanced at Apollo before asking, “Why?”
“The flowers are dislodged now,” the doctor explained. “With the roots, they’ll be too large to be pulled out like last time. If they’re not removed, they’ll choke you.”
Percy nodded. “That makes sense.”
Apollo squeezed Percy’s hand. “He’ll be okay?” he asked.
“This surgery will be the same as for any hanahaki patient.” She addressed Percy, “Are you familiar?”
Percy nodded. “I considered it, before.”
The doctor nodded. She opened her mouth to speak then closed it again.
“What?” Percy asked.
“You are aware of the side effect of the surgery,” she started
“Yeah…?” Percy said.
“Since the flowers are still in your lungs, you still technically have hanahaki,” she explained. “The flowers are usually small enough to exit on their own, so we’ve never had to operate on someone whose flowers have been uprooted. We don’t know what will happen.”
Percy held Apollo’s hand in a death grip. “You mean I might not love after?”
“Unfortunately, we don’t know.”
Percy looked to Apollo.
“You need to do it, my love,” Apollo said.
“But what will happen if I can’t love you anymore?” Percy asked.
Apollo brushed a hand across Percy’s cheek. “I’ll be waiting here for you, no matter what happens.”
Percy nodded, near tears. “I love you,” he said for what may have been the last time.
“I love you, too.”
.
Percy felt surprisingly lucid when he woke up after his surgery. Apollo was probably responsible for that.
Apollo, who was sitting next to his bed, holding his hand.
Apollo.
“Apollo,” Percy said.
Apollo looked up. “Percy.”
“Apollo.”
Percy squeezed Apollo’s hand.
“I love you.”
